Reassurance

It seems that God always knows when I need to have reassurance. The past few weeks have left me wondering and questioning... did I tell my dad that I loved him? Did I SHOW him that I loved him? Did he know I was so happy to be called his daughter?

I thought back to the month before he died he was running around setting up the sound system for choir and I was always making sure that people knew that that was MY DAD! I wanted everyone to know that I had the best dad. How smart he was, how funny he was.

I recently went through my emails and found one I sent to him on October 20, 2010 just a few weeks before he died so suddenly. It says...

I found this poem it made me think of you and all that you have ever done for me... I love you and happy not father's day!

Only a Dad
Only a dad with a tired face,
coming home from the daily race,
bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart
that his own rejoice
to see him come and to hear his voice.
Only a dad
with a brood of four,
one of ten million men or more
Plodding along in the daily strife,
bearing the whips and scorns of life,
with never a whimper of pain or hate,
for the sake of those who at home await.
Only a dad,
neither rich nor proud,
merely one of the surging crowd,
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.
Only a dad but he give his all,
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him,
This is the line that for him I pen;
Only a dad, but the best of men.
~~Edgar Guest
I think of you providing for us, not only us but the small broken children you drive around and keep safe every day. God has great plans for you... I cannot wait to be there when he says well done my good and faithful... well done.
I love you,
Alicia

That was my email to him that day... I think he knew

I forgot

I forgot I had this... wooops so sorry. What a journey I have lived through I re-read my blog posts and cried for that woman, then realized that it was me I was crying for.

Where am I now?

I am a fatherless, childless woman who is constantly changing.
Yes I said fatherless. My father, my dad, my teacher, my mentor everything I wanted, want and strive to be died November 9, 2010 it was something none of us were prepared for he was not sick. He would have turned 60 the next week.

But I am stronger for it all, everything.

Josh got a job we packed up everything and moved to PA we have been here for a year and a half and have loved every adventurous moment of it. I will share the tale some day. God had his almighty hand in every single detail of it and still does in his great and masterful way. I am proud to be his child.

I forgot how much I loved doing this, this writing thing. Think I need to start up again.

I need a theme a purpose for writing this. Maybe just my testament of living this life and making it through with God in the drivers seat? Showing others that life and the world are always full of struggles, pain and tears but with the right focus there is a greater hope and purpose to live. I have been so blessed in this life. Till next time may God see you through.