School has begun, I have finished my first week in Early American History. Only six more weeks to go!! Things in life are there some days I make it through walking straight up, others I am crawling begging God for help.
The thing that bothers me the most is not having any control. I want so badly to be a mother to a living child that it is all I see that when yet another month goes by I am on my knees again asking for understanding and forgiveness at the same time. Then the mail will come and there is a card or an article in a magazine that will provide the comfort I need.
It was especially hard last week, a person who was a big part of my childhood died, she was around the same age as my mom. I thought I would be OK with going to a funeral, yeah there is crying and all the memories but I should be OK. Boy was I wrong. I am sitting there in the church listening to the minister when they start playing the song. It is somewhere over the rainbow, not the original wizard of oz version but the Hawaiian one. It is exactly what I used to sing to Georgia when I was alone with her. Then I was alone in the car on the way home and I am telling you Satan loves it when you are in that spot. He grabbed right a hold of all of my fears, losses, pains, anger and let me have it. My mind went crazy and I sobbed all the way home.
I asked God for the help I needed. I got it. Saturday our new Associate pastor gave a sermon that hit home for me. It was about prayer but that is not what helped it was the few things he added here and there just small comments that were directly aimed at me. I knew God was listening to me, and trying to reassure me to hang in there.
I know I will make it. Every time I am down God is right there in those little ways that I know they were laid specifically for me.
In other news, Josh is going to Ann Arbor Thursday for a job interview and some testing. Not sure what will come of it.
We are remodeling the kitchen I can't wait to have it done seeing that the kitchen is temporarily located in the living room at the moment. Did I mention I am trying to do homework too?
Take care all, love and prayers to all of my friends, those I know about and those I don't.
