Until Next Time...

Today a man who meant a great deal to me died. He is finally at peace. A peace I don't think he has ever had in his entire life.

He gave me the stubbornness that I have
He gave me the love of growing things
He gave me my fight
He gave me my strength
And through him I have my beliefs in God and his great plan

We were so much alike and it caused some tough times but I wouldn't trade them away for anything. He also had a great sense of fun and I have that too.

I remember when He and my grandmother lived next door so many memories.

The big garden, the big red tractor that he let me drive, his geese, his giggle!! he built a pool for his family to enjoy, and always had something for me to do or help him with.

I was 4 years old and my mom left me with Grandpa while she went to the store. He said he would watch me. Mom came back and I was playing in a huge mud puddle. She said to him, "I thought you were going to watch her!" He said, "I am she is right there in the mud puddle!!" I helped by chiming in with a great big Hi mom!

Grandpa used to love this classical song that he would blare on his radio. I don't know the name of it but I could hum it. It was a lively one and he would boogie on down to it!

I remember his love of Popcorn. Always had to have his popcorn always.

When I was sick in the hospital (I was 8 or 9) I couldn't eat anything but ice chips and Popsicles. He would always sneak my a doughnut! My favorite one. He would stop in in the morning before work and give it to me.

I remember him crying and breaking down when he had decided that Grandma was not going to live on life support and took her off. I used that memory to get through losing Georgia I knew that if he can live beyond losing grandma then I can do it too after losing Georgia.

When driving with him he would always honk at anyone along side the road. I asked him once if he knew them, he said sure her name (it was usually a lady) is Gertrude. He never really knew them of course.

I went on many trips with my grandpa the one that stands out the most is going to pick up this lady named Sharon from Indiana and move her to Michigan (She later become my other grandma) He and I were going along some back road in who knows where with a bunch of curves, drop offs and no guard rails. I went to sleep (I was 12) when I woke up we were on the wrong side of the road, staring down a huge RV. I look over and he is asleep!! I just sat there staring I couldn't say anything. He woke up and bumped me in the arm and say Hey why didn't you wake me up?! Then he swerved!

So many memories, thank God for those.

I love the fact that his favorite color was green and that is what Georgia's birthstone is.

I have had a wonderful life full of family that cared/cares about me and my grandpa was one of them I will miss him very much. I know though that I will see him again and he will be complete, healthy and happy. I look forward to walking with him and being with him again when he can finally meet my baby girl. I know it hurt him very much to not be able to come and be with me when she died.

That man could infuriate me like no one else. But I loved him and I know he loved me, otherwise he would not have fought so hard to help my parents in shaping me to be who I am today.

Sleep well Grandpa and I will see you again. I love you

Charles Eugene Bailey April 17, 1930 - December 16, 2008

Sharing the Warmth...

I wanted to take a minute to thank Heidi for reminding me to turn to the Bible and providing me with a scripture to put me back on track.

I had quite the break down this week as Josh's unemployment is up in two weeks and there are not any jobs on the horizon. He is applying everywhere from California to Texas to Georgia and all the spaces in between. There are not even any jobs up here in Michigan or Indiana to apply for.

But this weekend we found out that the government is extending unemployment benefits for 20 weeks. Whew.

After my break down I dove right into the Bible (thanks again Heidi) I prayed and prayed for help and support. Then the next day a friend gives us enough money to catch up on our car and other bills (she knows who she is and we thank her and her husband) and we find out about the extension on unemployment. I was fighting so hard for life these past couple of weeks not realizing why I was struggling so badly until Heidi sent me a mistake email intended for someone else but ended up showing me back to where I had wandered from, and she didn't even know it at the time.

Thanksgiving was fun and tasty. It was also bittersweet as I really missed Georgia that day more then I do on regular days. When I go driving to the store some days I think about the car seat that should be in the back seat with her in it talking to me as we drive around.

We are making it though one day, one step, one moment at a time. God is definitely guiding our steps and hearts.

Hope you are all staying warm. Josh keeps it at about 85-90 in here (we heat with wood!) so I wear shorts and t-shirts most of the time. Take care.

In and out, and in and out...

Well this week was harrowing yet again. Wednesday at 5am I woke up with heartburn and couldn't breathe so Josh rushed me to the ER and they treated me and released me. I really need to get rid of this issue I had it under control. The Dr. says to avoid stress, ummm, yeah right. Would he like the list of what is going on right now in my life.

Any who..

I am having a hard time not being cyinical right now and I find that really disturbing. I don't want that at all, it is not who I am.

Josh went hunting today and got himself a big doe. I can't say I am excited as I really don't like deer meat but it might be the only meat I have one day so I guess I will take it.

I wanted to add a little prayer request for my little buddy Gabe, he is 2 or 3 I am not sure at this moment but he will be going in for surgery the week after Thanksgiving, it is not a difficult or life threatening thing but it is surgery and he will be going under so keep him in your prayers please.

Well enjoy your Turkey everyone, and Amy let me know how the rolls turn out.
Gobble Gobble!

The ups and downs right now its the downs...

Woops, I have neglected you all and I apologize. Life is life right now in all its horror and confusion. Josh is still unemployed and his unemployment runs out shortly. We are holding on by a tiny little thread and it is horrifying to think about what is waiting for us.

It is hard to sit here and worry about that and losing Georgia and pray for another baby.

The feast was so wonderful, we were surrounded by friends and family that supported us as we struggled through trying to celebrate God's future plans for us and not have our daughter there with us. For those of you who know about God's Holy days I do not have to explain what the last great day was for us. That is the day we get our little girl in all her beauty and cuteness!

I got to reunite with my cousing that I have not really spent any kind of time with since I was probably 8-9. Her and her husband were there at the feast and it was a great time. They have the greatest three little kids too. My favorite day though had to be the day I got to spend with my Aunt Lucreatia, Melissa and Anna just walking around shopping and talking it really was a blessed day and so calm and heart filling I will remember that day for a long time.

Right before we left for the feast a very special friend of mine died. She was in her later years and ready to go but the world is a sad place without her. I miss Granny every Sabbath.

The weather has changed to cold, yeah! I hate winter and all of its gloominess but the sooner it comes the sooner it is gone.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving with the family and not at my house!

Sorry that the post is not upbeat but right now my world is not a happy place to be.
I hope and pray that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy and be thankful for all of our blessings this year. I love you all.

The end...The Beginning

Well September is almost to its end...Here comes the snow :( Life here in White Pigeon is moving along. I am working very part time as office manager for a local Gymnastics company and I love it. We are moving this weekend to a bigger place and that is really exciting. We are going from 1500 square feet to 3800! My boss (the owner) is so nervous she is stepping outside of her box to pursue her dreams and that is tough. She is a single mom and this is her livelihood and the future for her daughter if she so chooses. I am so excited to be a part of it from the beginning as I was her first customer two years ago with my nephew.

The feast is just a few short weeks away. Josh and I are looking forward to it but apprehensive as we had so many things planned to do with our daughter and now are not sure how our emotions will respond. Thankfully we will have plenty of friends and family there for support.

Josh has had some interviews and calls back. We are still waiting for the offer though. We put it in God's hands and know that he knows our needs and is providing for us everyday so we know that the right one will come along at the right time. I am just not ready for him to be gone all day. I like having him with me, alone is not a place I like to be right now.

Take care y'all.

Standing, Walking, Crawling....

School has begun, I have finished my first week in Early American History. Only six more weeks to go!! Things in life are there some days I make it through walking straight up, others I am crawling begging God for help.

The thing that bothers me the most is not having any control. I want so badly to be a mother to a living child that it is all I see that when yet another month goes by I am on my knees again asking for understanding and forgiveness at the same time. Then the mail will come and there is a card or an article in a magazine that will provide the comfort I need.

It was especially hard last week, a person who was a big part of my childhood died, she was around the same age as my mom. I thought I would be OK with going to a funeral, yeah there is crying and all the memories but I should be OK. Boy was I wrong. I am sitting there in the church listening to the minister when they start playing the song. It is somewhere over the rainbow, not the original wizard of oz version but the Hawaiian one. It is exactly what I used to sing to Georgia when I was alone with her. Then I was alone in the car on the way home and I am telling you Satan loves it when you are in that spot. He grabbed right a hold of all of my fears, losses, pains, anger and let me have it. My mind went crazy and I sobbed all the way home.

I asked God for the help I needed. I got it. Saturday our new Associate pastor gave a sermon that hit home for me. It was about prayer but that is not what helped it was the few things he added here and there just small comments that were directly aimed at me. I knew God was listening to me, and trying to reassure me to hang in there.

I know I will make it. Every time I am down God is right there in those little ways that I know they were laid specifically for me.

In other news, Josh is going to Ann Arbor Thursday for a job interview and some testing. Not sure what will come of it.

We are remodeling the kitchen I can't wait to have it done seeing that the kitchen is temporarily located in the living room at the moment. Did I mention I am trying to do homework too?

Take care all, love and prayers to all of my friends, those I know about and those I don't.

Blow!!! Really Hard...

It is amazing how fast time flies isn't it? Leroy goes home tomorrow and I am so sad to see him go, just as I am every summer.

I start school in a week, yea! Yeah right. But only 5 more classes until I graduate, I will be the first one in my family to graduate with a college degree I can't believe it. I am looking forward to being done though.

Feast of Tabernacles is almost here people, I am so looking forward to the quiet time with Josh. We always reconnect at the feast but we have been together everyday for the past 5 months so I think it will just be nice to be with each other with out the stress of the world around us.

Josh is outside right now trying to get this tree he cut down to fall. It is caught up on another tree and not budging. He got the extension ladder out and climbed up to put a tie around it and pull it with his tractor but that didn't work. Now I think he went to get help from our neighbor. Did I mention we do NOT have health insurance?? Josh came in and said just pray for God to blow real hard to knock it out. I will keep you posted.

Take care everyone. Know that I love you all, well all of you reading this whom I love anyway...

Hard Labor....

We are back from a week of working hard. I have not ever painted that much in my life! 4 exterior doors both inside and out and the trim, then the garage door and trim, and shutters. Not to mention that I had to put many coats on some of them. Josh did a bunch of stuff too.

It felt great though, I slept well and ate well. My body didn't complain hardly at all.

I want to thank my friend Kelly for watching the dogs as she could. But extra thank yous go to my dad for driving down to stay with my dogs when Kelly couldn't.

Our family is going through so much right now it just seems to never end. My dad is a bus driver for special needs kids. A job that he is made for and is made for him. He didn't pass his health physical for some minor reasons and is now waiting for the HR department to let him drive again. Please keep him in your prayers that they get the papers back from the Dr. (who says my dad is OK to drive by the way) and the HR person will let him back on the bus.

My sister Anna is also looking for a job, she is a single mom with a home and a boy to keep up with so please put her on your prayer list too.

Josh and I are still trying to get this land sold but the mortgage company is so totally out of touch with what they are doing that it is getting distressing. I know God is watching over us as we are being taken care of. The lady I work for who owns a gymnastics business has called me back for the fall and we are starting to grow her business. I hope she continues to do well as right now I am the bread winner of this family it seems.

My love to you all, I pray that all of you are enjoying your families, friends and life as am I. Even with all of this adversity in my life at this time I have the joy of knowing one day I get to see my baby girl. I strive and pray for that day to come soon. I am so anxious to know her. Hug your children tight they truly are your blessings. My husband and I are so much closer then we have ever been and know God is holding our hands through this.

Hanging around...

We are just hanging out, working on the house. We got the spare bedroom almost done, we are putting the floor in tomorrow and hanging shelves and pictures, it will look really nice.

Sunday we are leaving for three days to go and do some work on a friends house. They are going to be moving and have asked us to do some home repairs for them. It should be fun.

Dash is healing nicely from the larvae drama, we are so very happy about that and the poison oak is not itching anymore and Josh almost looks back to normal.

I hope you are all doing well, enjoy your families and make sure not a day goes by that you don't tell them that you love them. You never know if they are going to be there there when you wake up.

Whoopiti Do Da Day...

Well it was the third visit to the vet for poor Dash. That larvae just didn't want to come out, it really liked it living quarters. We went in, the vet took Dash back we waited for a few moments and we hear the vet say, "I always get my worm!" I was so happy. The vet came in with Dash (who did not look very pleased) and the worm (larvae). We saw it and it was nasty it looked like a giant maggot just not slimy. So, we are now worm free, I can sleep in peace not worring about whether or not the bug is on me or Josh.


Another good thing is that the poison oak is on its way to being done and Josh is not itching as much. He says the itchiness that is left is from the scabs being dry. We made a stop at the health food store and picked up some lotion that has vitamins A and E and some Aloe to put on the scabs to heal them and stop the intching. He says it is working.


I am not sure if any of you know or not but Josh is unemployed, they let him go April 30th. We have been struggling to keep afloat on various things and it is trying. There was a moment we thought the house was gone but we sold some of our property to our neighbor (which is a huge miracle seeing with the location of the property we can only sell it to 3 people). This neighbor is paying in cash! It has been a struggle though to get the mortgage company on board and we still have a few hurdles to cross but the light is shining brightly at the end of this tunnel and God is blessing us all the way. We were just wondering Wednesday how we were going to pay the phone bill, Thursday we get a check from the IRS, they did an audit of our 2004 (2004!!!) taxes and owed us money. So we got enough to pay the phone bill and some other bills that were over due. God is really taking care of us no doubt about it.

Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and cyber hugs. I appreciate them all and know that I have so many friends out there that are there for me always. I just wish that there was something bigger then Thank you to give you all.

Special note: Kaitlyn, I love you so much, you have so much going on in your own life and you are always there for me and you are only 16! I will take you up on telling you everything soon, I just have to get to where I can.

Itch and Scratch and Cry

My husband got himself tangled up in some poison oak and is suffering the consequences. It has been miserable for all of us, mainly him. Josh, Leroy and I were wondering around in the woods at our house (we own 17 acres) and a couple days later Josh is covered, and I mean covered, in poison oak itchiness. Leroy and I are not reactive to it so we don't have any itchiness.

I am sending out my thank yous to Elaine who recommended and supplied fresh cat nip from her garden to grind up in our blender and apply to the blisters. It is working so well and can't be thankful enough seeing that everything we tried wasn't working.

To top it off the new addition (kitten Dash) has a fly larvae under her cheek and we have to go have that removed today, it is so extremely gross I cannot even begin to explain it to you.

It has just been so much to deal with, I had quiet the breakdown yesterday just trying to blow up Leroy's pool. Nothing was blowing this pool up and it is pretty good size so my breath wouldn't do it. We don't have a compressor just a bike pump and no special needle to insert to pump up the pool. Leroy kept saying well just do this or just do that, why can't you get it aired up? I just lost it and started bawling. I have to say that 2008 is not my year.

There's one born every minute...

Ok, I am in Staples yesterday with my husband and nephew. For those of you wondering why my husband is always with me and not at work, he is unemployed and looking. Anyway my sister Anna calls, "do you still have the kitten?" Her kitten she got a few weeks ago decided it wanted to leave the comforts of home and ran away. So, we get to keep Dash and we are all happy about it. Leroy is just grinning from ear to ear. He had made a phone call to her when we first caught the kitten and pleaded with her to no avail for Dash. So when his other kitten ran away he was happy because now he got to keep Dash, the one he found.

So Dash is now in our bathroom getting acclimated to the sounds and people around here. She wasn't using the litter box but last night she finally did, we are so proud. We bought her a few toys and she is playing with them and us now. She is so cute, every time you pet her or she starts to play with a toy she purrs, it is so funny. Leroy asked me, because she purrs so much and so long, how long can a cat purr? I guess that is a good question.

Enough Already...

Ok what is it with animals. I think the word got out in the neighborhood among all the beasts that I would care for them if they needed it. The other day my cute and adorable little nephew comes running in the house. Remember we are still fresh from the bunny dieing, so he is hunting for little beasts to bring to me. 'Licia I found a kitten! The thought goes through my head, did my big mean nasty cat revert to killing its own kind? And if he did do I really want to deal with that? So I ask, "is it alive?" Leroy then looks at me like why wouldn't it be and says "yeah". So I go outside, out shoots this black streak across my yard an into my husbands shed. Great.

To make a long story short I had to get my husband and some sliced turkey meat to get this kitten out. It is screaming and trying to bite and clawing and my adorable nephew exclaims, "how cute!" Needless to say he is not the one holding this Tasmanian devil, I am!

We put it in the animal carrier we have and leave it in the shed overnight, because i am not sure it doesn't have fleas or ticks at this moment and I want to go to bed.

This morning I go out, reach in, thinking to myself how dumb I am because it is going to rip my hand apart, but it doesn't and I pick her up and she starts purring. I bring her in the house and we now have her in the bathroom. I am getting attached so I have told my husband that we are definitely taking her to the pound tomorrow when they open because I can't have another cat.

By the way, we named her dash. :)

Friends become Family

Sunday Josh, Leroy and I spent the day at The Hargroves (our ministers). It was such a nice day to sit and talk and spend time with them. Over the eight years we have lived down here they have become our family. A year ago Josh lived with them during the week for about 6 months because he was working in Chicago (they live over that way). Mrs. Hargrove has given Leroy so many books over the years and he just loves sitting with her and reading them. Mr. Hargrove is so much like my dad (both Texans) that it feels like I am with my dad when I am with him, Mrs. Hargrove is like a another mom to me and I love that.

All though that it was a great day, it was sad too. The Hargroves are moving next year, finally "retiring" off to Ohio to be with their son and his family. I am not ready to let them go. Every time I think about it I get teary. They mean so much to me and my family. I will miss them dearly.

I guess we will just have to go to Ohio and visit :)

Hope you all are having a wonderful day and had a safe Holiday weekend.

No Bunny Knows...

Well it is Saturday, Happy Sabbath to you. We had a great Sermon today on our freedom from the curse of the law. It was very moving (to me anyway). We also saw a video on ABC. As we watched the video on all of the experiences of some people that have attended ABC it brought tears to my eyes. After losing my daughter I want that closeness with God, I want that experience to know all that I can. I know I am still hormonal from being pregnant but it really moved me to think about having that relationship with God and being immersed in his love and truth everyday for almost a year, to be with others that want that too. Josh is thinking about our ability to go so I pray that if it is God's will, we will go. I know that God does do wondrous things.

Some of you are probably wondering about the bunny, well I am sorry to say I got up this morning to feed him and he had died sometime in the night. I think the stress just caught up to him and was too much. It was sad and my nephew was a little upset about it but we are fine and life goes on. We got home from church and Leroy went out and searched the yard for anymore leftovers from our cat. Thankfully he found none :) I am really not in the mood to be a surrogate mom to another wounded animal.

Life in these woods...

Today I am washing dishes and I hear "'Licia come quick!!, Hurry!! So, I follow my nephew Leroy's voice out to the back yard and there at my husbands feet is a baby bunny. My cat had brought it to us. The eyes are still closed but the ears are open and up. So I took it in. I have it tucked away in a rubber maid container and am feeding it kitten formula milk. Thankfully we have Internet because I had no idea how to take care of a bunny this little. I looked it up and did some quick research and am following directions. I did have to explain to Leroy that the probability of the bunny making it are very slim (that is what they explained on the Internet). I didn't realize how difficult it was to keep a bunny alive. It is all about balancing their digestive tract and everything. They even say that at 6-7 weeks old to go out in the yard and find big rabbit droppings, take them and dissolve them in water and feed the baby this water to help it get the bacteria it needs to live!!! How crazy is that? So needless to say I have a baby bunny to care for now.

Those of you reading this who know me, know that I just lost MY baby Georgia. So, my husband is a little worried that me caring for this bunny and it probably not living is going to have a really bad affect on me in my current state. It is just an animal and I refuse to name it so I think I will do alright.