Reassurance

It seems that God always knows when I need to have reassurance. The past few weeks have left me wondering and questioning... did I tell my dad that I loved him? Did I SHOW him that I loved him? Did he know I was so happy to be called his daughter?

I thought back to the month before he died he was running around setting up the sound system for choir and I was always making sure that people knew that that was MY DAD! I wanted everyone to know that I had the best dad. How smart he was, how funny he was.

I recently went through my emails and found one I sent to him on October 20, 2010 just a few weeks before he died so suddenly. It says...

I found this poem it made me think of you and all that you have ever done for me... I love you and happy not father's day!

Only a Dad
Only a dad with a tired face,
coming home from the daily race,
bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart
that his own rejoice
to see him come and to hear his voice.
Only a dad
with a brood of four,
one of ten million men or more
Plodding along in the daily strife,
bearing the whips and scorns of life,
with never a whimper of pain or hate,
for the sake of those who at home await.
Only a dad,
neither rich nor proud,
merely one of the surging crowd,
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.
Only a dad but he give his all,
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him,
This is the line that for him I pen;
Only a dad, but the best of men.
~~Edgar Guest
I think of you providing for us, not only us but the small broken children you drive around and keep safe every day. God has great plans for you... I cannot wait to be there when he says well done my good and faithful... well done.
I love you,
Alicia

That was my email to him that day... I think he knew

I forgot

I forgot I had this... wooops so sorry. What a journey I have lived through I re-read my blog posts and cried for that woman, then realized that it was me I was crying for.

Where am I now?

I am a fatherless, childless woman who is constantly changing.
Yes I said fatherless. My father, my dad, my teacher, my mentor everything I wanted, want and strive to be died November 9, 2010 it was something none of us were prepared for he was not sick. He would have turned 60 the next week.

But I am stronger for it all, everything.

Josh got a job we packed up everything and moved to PA we have been here for a year and a half and have loved every adventurous moment of it. I will share the tale some day. God had his almighty hand in every single detail of it and still does in his great and masterful way. I am proud to be his child.

I forgot how much I loved doing this, this writing thing. Think I need to start up again.

I need a theme a purpose for writing this. Maybe just my testament of living this life and making it through with God in the drivers seat? Showing others that life and the world are always full of struggles, pain and tears but with the right focus there is a greater hope and purpose to live. I have been so blessed in this life. Till next time may God see you through.

Lets start with today...

Life is about giving of yourself everyday...
-Give yourself to God
-Give yourself to your husband
-Give yourself to your family
-Give yourself to friends
-Give yourself to strangers

Give, Give, Give

you know what happens, peace, tranquility, love and grace

I do not give of myself to exhaustion, because then I would not be able to give it away to others. Take care of yourself so that you may give freely...

I give you myself...

One Year...

I am still alive, didn't think that I could make it through such a horrific event ever happening in my life. Never thought I would have to bury my baby either. But here I am a year later still plugging away at life and trying to make the best of it as it is.

Things I have learned and gathered along the way.

I have a much closer relationship with God, I lean, I pray, I ask, and meditate on what he wants from me in this life.

My husband and I are so much closer and in a better place then we were at before Georgia. Honestly we were headed so far apart that I was starting to question whether or not we should be married. I love him so much, trust him more, depend on him and love being his wife and best friend.

I speak up about things a lot more now, not as I used to, I have a filter now yet I don't let moments pass by wasted. I try to gently correct, kind words to motivate and when I see an injustice I try to lovingly point the offender in the right direction.

I have an inner peace that was not there before. Don't get me wrong I struggle everyday with missing my daughter, I fight my emotional battle everyday but I know I am a mom now, I have a beautiful baby girl that I will have in a world without hate, anger, injustice and man's rule. She will know a world of peace and abundance, of love and family and that makes my heart soar!

Lastly, well I am sure there is more but for this post...
I have opened myself up to people and am developing friendships I thought I would never have. I have learned how to have and be a friend, I have learned how to accept friendship from others.

Josh is still unemployed, we have not got pregnant again, I still am unemployed. Things could be so much worse and we could be alone.

We have God, friends, food, and the future

Cheers...

Had a nice day today, we had to go up to the parents and fix our Explorer. It was leaking transmisson fluid and the starter was dying a slow, loud and painful death! Thankfully the transmission issue was just a tube leak so easily replaced and just put in a new starter which seemed easy enough after tracking down the right one!! I hate that guys at the parts store act like I am stupid and don't think that I know what I am talking about!! I just want to jump the counter and beat them some times, ya know?

I had a nice time sitting out helping dad with tools and fixing the truck but was so cold by the afternoon I had to go inside and warm up, I ended up taking a nap!

I was a little disappointed not to see my mom, she had to work a long day and was so tired at the end of the day, I understand but missed her all the same.

I am trying hard to find some sort of way to prepare for this week I just don't know how it is going to go. Thursday would have been Georgia's first birthday. I will keep you posted...

Grace.....

Sisters

I have two great women in my life, not just two but, two out of the many that surprised me today with something so heart touching that I know I will never be able to say thank you enough...

I know am the proud owner of a Hibiscus plant that my sister (and my aunt) had UPS'd to me, the best part is they had it named, Georgia, so as far as I know I am right now the only person who had a Georgia Hibiscus! I can't wait for the first flower to show!

Needless to say I cried, but they were good tears Anna, you have such a great heart and are the best sister a girl could ask for I love you so much and thank you for always being there for me no matter what. You too Bec.

Josh and I spent most of the day outside in the pouring rain setting up a dog kennel for the two big dogs. Our great dane got into some trash that a opossum dumped out and has been sick for the past week, need I even say how nasty it is when a great dane has the squirts? YUCK. I have to give my husband props here because it is my dog and I have a bad gag reflex so he is the one who is cleaning it up. I love him so much :)

Off to bed, happy Sabbath to you all

Peace....

So, it has been a long time my friends...so sorry
We have been so busy and with year anniversaries hitting at us hard.
My birthday, shouldn't have had my baby shower on my birthday last year, was horrible.
Mother's day was rough to say the least but my sister and nephew to the rescue, also went and had a short visit with my awesome and great friend Rachele, again thanks for the poop!

Josh is so busy with jobs here and there, we are so thankful for God who provides all!!

I had a doughnut today and broke down in tears, it was the same type my grandpa used to sneak me when I was in the hospital while I was sick!! They were tears of joy and missing that old grouch! :)

I am so sad and missing my baby girl but I am so happy for the person she has made me and what I am becoming. I am also just having a beautiful time being with friends that are so gracious with their love and compassion and laughs and mostly their hugs.

Tara and Tina you just know when I need a card in the mail and I love that so much about you both.

We did get a big contract with an Iron company here in Elkhart it is not much but for us...it is something to count on until 2010!! Just a few more of them and we would be GREAT!!!

Thank you all, I love you all, for your prayers and support.

I will be on top of this blog more, I just got a new computer so I forgot my info on my blog and wasn't updating it, I got on my old one and sent it to my new one!! ahhhh crazy stuff.

Love....